OK, so I'm new to this site, so please bear with me....

Anyway, my problem is that I'm currently 29. In just under a year I will be 30. However, I have never been in a relationship at all. Never been on a date, or anything close to that. I'm sick of friends telling me that I will eventually find somebody, as that just doesn't seem to be the case. How long do I have to wait, before I can find myself in my first relationship? When I'm 90? All my friends are now married, or have their life time partners. Yet here's me, still always single and dateless basically feels like I'm getting left behind.

I'm the nicest guy you could possibly imagine. At one of two jobs where I work, which is part time at a petrol station, I have two female managers. I'm always popping in when I'm not working, letting them go on smoke breaks, taking them in breakfast/lunch, etc. I have to say that I expect nothing in return from this. They just happen to be two of my closest friends now. They are aware of my predicament, it's a long story about how I did tell them about it, but I don't really want to go there right now.

I'm a somewhat shy guy, I get nervous around women, particularly with women I am not familiar with. I'm OK when I'm working, but put me in a social environment, and I just go to pieces. Case in point. I was in a bakery the other day, ordering a chicken and salad roll. There were two foreign girls who couldn't make up their mind about what to order. They were both rather pretty. One of them turned to me and asked what I had ordered. For about ten seconds, I couldn't even remember what the hell I had ordered. I managed to get it out in the end, but chances are I probably looked like a right fool. I also tend to blush when I'm nervous, which makes it ten times worse.

I used to go out to pubs and clubs, but made no headway there at all. Never even managed to pick up anybody, whereas my mates never seemed to have too much trouble. Had one or two nasty experiences with women out at pubs, that I do not particularly want to get into. I'll just say that there are women out there that can be needlessly callous and cruel. They didn't have to do what they did to me, a simple no or go away would have sufficed.

Anyway, so I've been trying dating sites for the past six or so years. Thought I'd meet somebody online, as I used to be under the impression that the internet was where desperate people went searching for love. No result there. No interest from anybody, nothing but rejections, literally talking hundreds here. The last online site I'd used was RSVP, even paid money for the ability to message people. That was a big mistake. Anyway, I got rejected by a woman, so I sent her a message asking just where I was going on, and if she wouldn't mind offering some tips and advice as to how I could improve.

Nothing could prepare me for her response. It went as follows:

Well frankly you seem pretty desperate and really pathetic. You look like a complete creep in your profile picture. I would wish you good luck in finding anybody, but we both know that's not going to happen. Never message me again."

That really hurt, and had me down for days. If it weren't for the fact that I had a job to go to, I wouldn't have even bothered getting out of bed. There was one more time where something like this happened, so I'm not sure if I'm just been sending messages to really shallow, bitchy girls, or if the problem is actually me.


So anyway is it a bad thing to be near 30 and to have experienced no form of a relationship? Am I doomed? Are women my age even interested in inexperienced guys like me? Or is it considered too weird and creepy, to be this old and never to have had a relationship or been on a date?

hey there, i had never had a relationship until i was 29 and that ended in january this year and i am now 30 and havent found anyone else since so i do kinda know how you feel

PMed you brah.

OK, so I'm new to this site, so please bear with me....

Anyway, my problem is that I'm currently 29. In just under a year I will be 30. However, I have never been in a relationship at all. Never been on a date, or anything close to that. I'm sick of friends telling me that I will eventually find somebody, as that just doesn't seem to be the case. How long do I have to wait, before I can find myself in my first relationship? When I'm 90? All my friends are now married, or have their life time partners. Yet here's me, still always single and dateless basically feels like I'm getting left behind.

I'm the nicest guy you could possibly imagine. At one of two jobs where I work, which is part time at a petrol station, I have two female managers. I'm always popping in when I'm not working, letting them go on smoke breaks, taking them in breakfast/lunch, etc. I have to say that I expect nothing in return from this. They just happen to be two of my closest friends now. They are aware of my predicament, it's a long story about how I did tell them about it, but I don't really want to go there right now.

I'm a somewhat shy guy, I get nervous around women, particularly with women I am not familiar with. I'm OK when I'm working, but put me in a social environment, and I just go to pieces. Case in point. I was in a bakery the other day, ordering a chicken and salad roll. There were two foreign girls who couldn't make up their mind about what to order. They were both rather pretty. One of them turned to me and asked what I had ordered. For about ten seconds, I couldn't even remember what the hell I had ordered. I managed to get it out in the end, but chances are I probably looked like a right fool. I also tend to blush when I'm nervous, which makes it ten times worse.

I used to go out to pubs and clubs, but made no headway there at all. Never even managed to pick up anybody, whereas my mates never seemed to have too much trouble. Had one or two nasty experiences with women out at pubs, that I do not particularly want to get into. I'll just say that there are women out there that can be needlessly callous and cruel. They didn't have to do what they did to me, a simple no or go away would have sufficed.

Anyway, so I've been trying dating sites for the past six or so years. Thought I'd meet somebody online, as I used to be under the impression that the internet was where desperate people went searching for love. No result there. No interest from anybody, nothing but rejections, literally talking hundreds here. The last online site I'd used was RSVP, even paid money for the ability to message people. That was a big mistake. Anyway, I got rejected by a woman, so I sent her a message asking just where I was going on, and if she wouldn't mind offering some tips and advice as to how I could improve.

Nothing could prepare me for her response. It went as follows:

Well frankly you seem pretty desperate and really pathetic. You look like a complete creep in your profile picture. I would wish you good luck in finding anybody, but we both know that's not going to happen. Never message me again."

That really hurt, and had me down for days. If it weren't for the fact that I had a job to go to, I wouldn't have even bothered getting out of bed. There was one more time where something like this happened, so I'm not sure if I'm just been sending messages to really shallow, bitchy girls, or if the problem is actually me.


So anyway is it a bad thing to be near 30 and to have experienced no form of a relationship? Am I doomed? Are women my age even interested in inexperienced guys like me? Or is it considered too weird and creepy, to be this old and never to have had a relationship or been on a date?

Hello there, I'm in the same boat. I'm a little bit older (me being 32). I have kissed a girl before, but I have trouble talking to women and I've never been on a date before. I tried hitting the Gym and I managed to reach my goal weight within 5 months, but my insecurities resurfaced and now I'm finding it difficult to get back to the Gym. I'm reading your post at the moment and I got to the bit where that girl posted that message. I'm a bit angry about reading that, that's just an absolute dog's act to say to someone who's trying to reach out for a companion. My blood is boiling after reading that. Being on the end of women who've said some nasty things about me, I can relate. All I can say is that try and keep your head up and try to move forward and not worry about the past. I know it's easier said than done but that's the only way. You gotta confront your demons.

Hopefully you find someone and good luck for the future.

bump

my problem is that I'm currently 29. ..I will be 30....never been in a relationship .... Never been on a date, or anything close to that.

Then you're screwed. This is like being held back in the first grade till you're 12.

Rule 1. Do not get involved with your first woman. You are too vulnerable and you should not anyway.
Rule 2. Dating is not a relationship. You need to Date many women to catch up.
Rule 3. Its okay to have not been in a relationship, but very bad to not have Dated.

Get some professional help. Therapy would be good.

I'm sick of friends telling me that I will eventually find somebody,

No, sometimes that just never happens.

How long do I have to wait, before I can find myself in my first relationship?

I would say at least 5 more years of Dating different women. Time to play catch-up. You need the experience. Or you can stay this way and hope a woman chooses you, instead of you choosing the woman you really want.


All my friends are now married, or have their life time partners.

Ya, if your friends are you age, no they don't. More than half of them will be divorced by 2016.


I'm the nicest guy you could possibly imagine......Thats not going to work. Forget about what your mom taught you.

They just happen to be two of my closest friends now.....Thats too bad.


I'm a somewhat shy guy, I get nervous around women, particularly with women I am not familiar with....Not helping.


I used to go out to pubs and clubs, but made no headway there at all.....Of course not. You're not ready for that.


Anyway, so I've been trying dating sites for the past six or so years.

Dating sites is not where you should be, when you've had no experience Dating. First you need work on your confidence and approach. You need to be in the real world interacting with people. Not on the internet.
After awhile the internet becomes a crutch for people like you. And you don't grow.

Thought I'd meet somebody online,....No. You still have to meet in person.

as I used to be under the impression that the internet was where desperate people went searching for love.

Doesn't work that way. You can't be desperate or very shy , and be on the internet. You don't learn, you don't get experience.


Well frankly you seem pretty desperate and really pathetic.

Before you "Drive" you need to understand the rules of the road and how to operate a car. Go seek some professional advice and help.


So anyway is it a bad thing to be near 30 and to have experienced no form of a relationship?

No relationship? No ...But no Dating? Yes, thats going to hurt you.

Am I doomed?...Yes...Possibly if you just sit there and not help yourself.

Are women my age even interested in inexperienced guys like me?

No. And if they are, they are the women always turned down and rejected. That makes guys like you, like fly paper for these women who other men are not attracted to sexuually. In your low state of self esteem, you will grab at the slightest bit of attention. And that would be a serious mistake. Go get some help.

Or is it considered too weird and creepy, to be this old and never to have had a relationship or been on a date?

No.
Just really sad.
Now seriously its been about 9 months. You should have gotten some serious help by now, and have dated at least up to 3 girls now. And do NOT cling to them.

my problem is that I'm currently 29. ..I will be 30....never been in a relationship .... Never been on a date, or anything close to that.

Then you're screwed. This is like being held back in the first grade till you're 12.

Rule 1. Do not get involved with your first woman. You are too vulnerable and you should not anyway.
Rule 2. Dating is not a relationship. You need to Date many women to catch up.
Rule 3. Its okay to have not been in a relationship, but very bad to not have Dated.

Get some professional help. Therapy would be good.

I'm sick of friends telling me that I will eventually find somebody,

No, sometimes that just never happens.

How long do I have to wait, before I can find myself in my first relationship?

I would say at least 5 more years of Dating different women. Time to play catch-up. You need the experience. Or you can stay this way and hope a woman chooses you, instead of you choosing the woman you really want.


All my friends are now married, or have their life time partners.

Ya, if your friends are you age, no they don't. More than half of them will be divorced by 2016.


I'm the nicest guy you could possibly imagine......Thats not going to work. Forget about what your mom taught you.

They just happen to be two of my closest friends now.....Thats too bad.


I'm a somewhat shy guy, I get nervous around women, particularly with women I am not familiar with....Not helping.


I used to go out to pubs and clubs, but made no headway there at all.....Of course not. You're not ready for that.


Anyway, so I've been trying dating sites for the past six or so years.

Dating sites is not where you should be, when you've had no experience Dating. First you need work on your confidence and approach. You need to be in the real world interacting with people. Not on the internet.
After awhile the internet becomes a crutch for people like you. And you don't grow.

Thought I'd meet somebody online,....No. You still have to meet in person.

as I used to be under the impression that the internet was where desperate people went searching for love.

Doesn't work that way. You can't be desperate or very shy , and be on the internet. You don't learn, you don't get experience.


Well frankly you seem pretty desperate and really pathetic.

Before you "Drive" you need to understand the rules of the road and how to operate a car. Go seek some professional advice and help.


So anyway is it a bad thing to be near 30 and to have experienced no form of a relationship?

No relationship? No ...But no Dating? Yes, thats going to hurt you.

Am I doomed?...Yes...Possibly if you just sit there and not help yourself.

Are women my age even interested in inexperienced guys like me?

No. And if they are, they are the women always turned down and rejected. That makes guys like you, like fly paper for these women who other men are not attracted to sexuually. In your low state of self esteem, you will grab at the slightest bit of attention. And that would be a serious mistake. Go get some help.

Or is it considered too weird and creepy, to be this old and never to have had a relationship or been on a date?

No.
Just really sad.
Now seriously its been about 9 months. You should have gotten some serious help by now, and have dated at least up to 3 girls now. And do NOT cling to them.

nice comment.

OK, so I'm new to this site, so please bear with me....Anyway, my problem is that I'm currently 29. In just under a year I will be 30. However, I have never been in a relationship at all. Never been on a date, or anything close to that. I'm sick of friends telling me that I will eventually find somebody, as that just doesn't seem to be the case. How long do I have to wait, before I can find myself in my first relationship? When I'm 90? All my friends are now married, or have their life time partners. Yet here's me, still always single and dateless basically feels like I'm getting left behind.I'm the nicest guy you could possibly imagine. At one of two jobs where I work, which is part time at a petrol station, I have two female managers. I'm always popping in when I'm not working, letting them go on smoke breaks, taking them in breakfast/lunch, etc. I have to say that I expect nothing in return from this. They just happen to be two of my closest friends now. They are aware of my predicament, it's a long story about how I did tell them about it, but I don't really want to go there right now.I'm a somewhat shy guy, I get nervous around women, particularly with women I am not familiar with. I'm OK when I'm working, but put me in a social environment, and I just go to pieces. Case in point. I was in a bakery the other day, ordering a chicken and salad roll. There were two foreign girls who couldn't make up their mind about what to order. They were both rather pretty. One of them turned to me and asked what I had ordered. For about ten seconds, I couldn't even remember what the hell I had ordered. I managed to get it out in the end, but chances are I probably looked like a right fool. I also tend to blush when I'm nervous, which makes it ten times worse.I used to go out to pubs and clubs, but made no headway there at all. Never even managed to pick up anybody, whereas my mates never seemed to have too much trouble. Had one or two nasty experiences with women out at pubs, that I do not particularly want to get into. I'll just say that there are women out there that can be needlessly callous and cruel. They didn't have to do what they did to me, a simple no or go away would have sufficed.Anyway, so I've been trying dating sites for the past six or so years. Thought I'd meet somebody online, as I used to be under the impression that the internet was where desperate people went searching for love. No result there. No interest from anybody, nothing but rejections, literally talking hundreds here. The last online site I'd used was RSVP, even paid money for the ability to message people. That was a big mistake. Anyway, I got rejected by a woman, so I sent her a message asking just where I was going on, and if she wouldn't mind offering some tips and advice as to how I could improve.Nothing could prepare me for her response. It went as follows:Well frankly you seem pretty desperate and really pathetic. You look like a complete creep in your profile picture. I would wish you good luck in finding anybody, but we both know that's not going to happen. Never message me again."That really hurt, and had me down for days. If it weren't for the fact that I had a job to go to, I wouldn't have even bothered getting out of bed. There was one more time where something like this happened, so I'm not sure if I'm just been sending messages to really shallow, bitchy girls, or if the problem is actually me.So anyway is it a bad thing to be near 30 and to have experienced no form of a relationship? Am I doomed? Are women my age even interested in inexperienced guys like me? Or is it considered too weird and creepy, to be this old and never to have had a relationship or been on a date?

Well that's a familiar story! Shyness versus the world. Been there, done that, got the medal. No glib answers for you. Career choices though? Become a career criminal, join a crime family, become a Wise Guy, and get laid as often as you like with as many nubile and pretty pole dancers from mob owned night clubs, and other enterprises. Become a hacker, steal millions, and find a none western female with none western values, emigrate to a country where women are plentiful and outnumber our gender by ten to one (if such a place exists?) ,become a pop music idol and take advantage of every offer by every good looking groupie who puts herself on a plate for you. Alternatively, try deep hypnosis, brain enhancing drugs, iq boosting drugs, amnesia. The list is practically inexhaustible, but the realities are probably zero. Good luck though!

Geez this is an old post, wonder what became of the OP?

 

So 30 and no serious relationship. Not as uncommon as you might think and I would say there is not as much wrong with that as you may think. It's just society has told you that this is weird or unusual. In fact what most people have considered past relationships have indeed not really been relationships at all.

 

Anyway this thread has mad me think of two of my older cousins who are in their early 30's and have lead completely opposite lives.

 

The first one has always been academically gifted. She is reasonably shy and has not had a great amount of success with men, I think in part because she is a career woman and many men are intimidated by smart successful women. She is good looking too which may add to the intimidation factor. In her life she has dated maybe 2 men for a short period of time and never been close to a long term serious relationship. But she has gone very far in her career as an accountant, has lived overseas since her early 20's, has travelled to every continent on the planet (she seems to be heading off somewhere every few weeks) and has achieved quite a bucket list for someone still very young. She is disappointed she hasn't found herself a man yet but she has not let it get in the way of her being happy, confident and experiencing life. She has gone out there and done what is best for her.

 

My other cousin of the same age met her first and only BF at age 18 at a club, got married at the age of 20, had her first child about 2 years ago now and has one on the way. She has her own house and has worked different average jobs throughout those year. She is also very happy.

 

Now looking at both of those cousins I know I would prefer to have lived the life of the first one. Others may have chosen the 2nd one. Point is you need to find what makes you happy and not depend on other people to do that. My first cousin has been an inspiration to me as she has gone out and done things most people can only dream of and hasn't let the dependence of having a relationship define her.

 

I think the key is to go out there, do what you want to do and be confident in yourself. Don't let others define who you are and your hapiness

109 is absolutely right in my opinion. Well done! You put that across very well indeed.

hello my friend, (the person who posted the original query)

shy Aussie,

just follow the suggestions from the post 48, or the author oa0109,ithink you are getting depressed and withdrwing from the world which will not help.. get professional help... also try to find what make YOU happy... sod the rest... if the stiry of the two cousins isnt self explanatory, heaven knows what else can be...hope and wish you make the right moves and find your happiness...

 I think in part because she is a career woman and many men are intimidated by smart successful women.

 

No they're not.

Men are just not going to build an attachment to a woman who has no time for him.

 

Being "Intimidated" is a lie perpetrated by men hating feminist.

hello my friend, (the person who posted the original query)

shy Aussie,

just follow the suggestions from the post 48, or the author oa0109,ithink you are getting depressed and withdrwing from the world which will not help.. get professional help... also try to find what make YOU happy... sod the rest... if the stiry of the two cousins isnt self explanatory, heaven knows what else can be...hope and wish you make the right moves and find your happiness...

 

How am I depressed and withdrawing from the world? You can still get out and experience life and do so many things when you are single, in fact being single allows you greater freedom to do such things. I am not saying I do not want to meet someone I am just saying my happiness is not dependent on being in a relationship. Pretty damn healthy attitude if you ask me.

 

Relationship does not always mean happiness

 

Singledom does not always mean unhappiness

 

You couldnt be further from the mark with that rubbish comment

No they're not.

Men are just not going to build an attachment to a woman who has no time for him.

 

Being "Intimidated" is a lie perpetrated by men hating feminist.

 

You can make time for the right person. Many men are still ashamed to be with a woman who is smarter than them and earns more money, well at least halfway decent men anyway

You can make time for the right person. Many men are still ashamed to be with a woman who is smarter than them and earns more money, well at least halfway decent men anyway

 

 

You mean, She can make time for the right guy?  .....Not going to happen if the woman is serious about a career. He is humping the wrong leg.

 

Many men are still ashamed to be with a woman who is smarter than them ..... He should be ashamed!  She's a girl!!. What the fuck did he do with his life?!!

But he is not "Intimidated".

 

And men who have squared away his own life in preparation for an event of finding some woman and making a genetic pass on, isn't going to grow attached to a woman who is not around.

 

and earns more money, ...ha.... if she earns more money, there is practically no chance at all she would want him anyway. Women don't look for losers unless she has absolutely no other choice.

and earns more money, ...ha.... if she earns more
money, there is practically no chance at all she would want him anyway.
Women don't look for losers unless she has absolutely no other choice.

 

See that's where you're wrong, women, as a rule, aren't that shallow

See that's where you're wrong, women, as a rule, aren't that shallow

 

   Nothing to do with "Shallow", everything to do with how she sees [and wants]  her life ending up. As I told you, if she has no other options , then she will take the loser.

 

as a rule, aren't that shallow .....But if that is how you want to pretend,  my answer then would have to be, for your sake, "Yes, they are."

No, In my experience, they are not. From the hundreds I know

No, In my experience, they are not. From the hundreds I know

 

Then the women you know have no other options. She has to take the dregs or go without.

 

Men do not create attachments with women who are not around.

So wrong on so many levels. Women don't use income as a yardstick to a good relationship, they use character, unlike most men who just look at them as sexual objects, some of them are actually interesting as people!... Who'd a thunk it?

I knew it!